She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
