I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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