I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
