We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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