Got a toothbrush?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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