I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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