Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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