she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
