Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
