Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
