There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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