Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
