Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
