Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
