I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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