sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
