I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
