I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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