I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
