ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
