I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
