He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
