Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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