are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
