You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
