We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
