Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
