The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
