before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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