i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
