You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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