You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
