So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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