Your dad touched me again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
