Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
