Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
