My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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