bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
