there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
