so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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