There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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