i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
