Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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