peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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