she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
