can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
