The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
