So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
