it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
foreskin is a definite game changer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
