Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
