my shit smells like andre
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
