I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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