So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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