Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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