Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
