so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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