Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
