she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
