Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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