So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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