i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
