Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
