i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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