Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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