Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
