Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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