I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
