We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
