i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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