I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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