If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
