Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
