yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
