I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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