I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
