i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
