Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
