I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
