I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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