You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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