I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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